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| day old rice from the fridge (microwaved so it's hot on the outside of that chinese box but cold in the middle like my heart)
three eggs scrambled as finely as you can, like the consistancy of drool. (s&p)
a little onion scissler
a little scallion emincer
a little leek emincer
and a little garlic fried into chips
some ketchup
some shrimp paste from korea (and not that thai crap)
et voila.
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love of mine
someday you will die
but i'll be close behind
i'll follow you into the dark
no blinding light
or tunnels to gates of white
just our hands clasped so tight
waiting for the hint of a spark
and catholic school
as vicious as roman rule
i got my knuckles bruised
by a lady in black if heaven and hell decide that they both feel satisfied
i'd held my tongue illuminate the no's on their vacancy signs
as she told me son if there's no one besides you when your soul embarks, then
'fear is the heart of love'
so i never went back -i'll follow you into the dark
you and me
have seen everything to see
from bangkok to calgary
and the souls of your shoes
are all worn down
the time for sleep is now
it's nothing to cry about
because we'll hold each other soon
in the blackest of rooms
-images taken from 侯孝賢's 最好的時光(three times) | | |
| - ...standing on the ledge of the converted factory loft, the boy wonders if he should climb higher to the ledge of the water tower instead. he stands there, after the building manager had left early, because the boy didn't want to be recorded by the building's security cameras. he stands there, for what seemed to him an eternity, he stands there.
"i'm falling...", he thought, as his thoughts quicken to the pace that will end with a flash of his life.
a face, a face so familiar, more familiar than a mother's, his mother's face, his lovers' faces, faces of those he had dreamt in his life before jumping. jumping off of a deck onto snow covered grass. his short life is experienced in a moment that defines the universe to him. all those souls he had encountered, seemingly are merging into a singularity. all those faces, all the features on those faces are morphing quicker and quicker into another. into another he had known, he will ever know.
while stepping off the ledge he stood on for a half hour, his head is thoughtless. 'i'm present, i didn't fall. i didn't jump.' he whispers to himself in a sedated voice, in a muttering tone. he walks down two flights of stairs, opens the door to the loft he hated and shared with others. goes to his laundry basket, tosses them into the machine just down the hall. takes a shower, then receives two phone calls.
the laundry is done by now, and he's in the shower with a fresh pair of pants and wife beater laying just next to the stall. he is thinking with clarity only those who've cold turkeyed have felt. those two phone calls he picked up gave him a dark sense of dejavu, as if he is repeating out of its sake. both bad news, death is near, as is life.
-Ne te quaesiveris extra
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| asleep, when fallen into a dream.
i hear her sad sad voice, then was awakened by a voice, almost as sad as hers.
i'm lying on my bed, next to the most jerished jewish girl i've met in my short life on earth. only to see her face, her beautiful face. she said to me 'what's for breakfast?'
i then cooked the perfect scrambled eggs(en francais) of course. if only i had truffles on hand, though i've never liked the taste of them.
afterr breakfast, we played 4 games of scrable in which she won them all.
'how're you so good at playing games', i asked her. she didn't reply, but had a look on her face as if saying 'it's who i am.'
which traits have those you've loved examplified? for me, it IS all about love. no matter how much love those opposite of my view had shown, had my heart felt their love, i could not but commit to them all of my heart. tout mon coeur, tout ma amour.
'i'm thinking it's a sign, that the freckles in our eyes are mirror images that when we kiss they're perfectly aligned'
'will some one please call a surgeon... i can't accpet that it's over, and i'll block the door like a goalie tending the net, in the third quarter. in a tied game rivalry.'
those i've said those three magical words to. the first was during sex, the second was during a meal i had cooked, and the third was just surprising even in my eyes. i'd never understood why i had said those words, but as i'm maturing, i'm feeling more and more to those past words.
-we ARE all ONE (don't you feed me lies about some idealistic future.)
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| "Dream symbol: flood
flood, floods, flooding, flooded
Interpretation:
An emotional overflow
Feeling overwhelmed or unable to cope
A deep release of emotions or a cathartic state
Failing to take charge of your life or circumstances over a long period of time
Feeling inundated or bombarded"
for the past week and a half, my dreams have been filled with floods. my dreams have been flooded by a fluid thicker than water, though still clear, though red, though not thick enough nor red enough to be guessed as blood.
even as condescending as dreams are to me, they do drain the hate which my heart had been carrying.
i want to write with my eyes closed, never hitting that botton for the dictionary link or pressing the back space button to erase my last typed word. though i do because i can type faster than i think, and i like it. (i encourage you to point out my grammar and spelling errors).
my pops is the type of man that i have never seen taking anything seriously. though he has made a fortune while living in the opposite extreme of the social spectrum, i just wish he did more pleasureble activities that i could relate to. as far as i can see, he has never had a more fun filled day than i have, but i don't know him at all, throughout the 18 years i lived with him before i left for college, before the year i lived with him after dropping out of college, before the six monthes i am living with him after deciding to go back to college. i love him, i appreciate him, but i dislike him with every inch of what my mind stands for.
my name is chia(yes, sing the song if it will scratch your brain), i drink alot because those are the only times when i enjoy my own company, and i drink because those are the times when i can tell that i'm bullshitting.
yesterday was my father's birthday, it was if the date was in the lunar calender anyway. tomorrow is my sister's birthday, she'll be 28 i think, she'll be 29 maybe. i miss them both, so much, so deeply. and i miss you so much, and just as deeply.
everything, and EVERYTHING amazes me. the way you told me about reciting story books on tape to your brother. the slight change of the arc of that star that's in our solar system. those craters on the moon. the way salt crystalizes in the king of cheeses(arguably).
i could fall in love with anyone who has cherished their grandfather's company, which is because i can not recall for my life of my own. he was a general was what my mum had told me, then he mastered the art of fermenting soy and alcohol. alcohol, mmmmm. the only truth serum that has come past my life.
-nous avons chacun des ans/un, tout nous avons. (someone please correct this(je parle francais de cuisine uniquement(et je fume de herbe uniquement))).
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